Defending the Cause: Father’s Day, without Dad | Fathers in the Field.

We Need to Talk About Conflict.

Men were designed in part to do battle: for Righteousness, for the Kingdom, for the weaker and wounded, and against evil and wrong wherever it appears.
Too many men are at war, but they are in the wrong battles!
Too many men are at battle, but in the wrong war, fighting for wrong things!
Too many men are neither in the right battle, nor in the right war, for any worthwhile endeavor.

Taking Responsibility for your Behavior is Good for You!  Dick S. Forbes, MA

 

“You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons or the wind, but you can change yourself. That is something you have control over.”    Jim Rohn

 

“The greatest gifts you can give your children are the roots of responsibility and the wings of independence.”     Denis Waitley

 

We live in a culture of blame, being a victim and excuses.  However, a time tested characteristic of successful people is that they take responsibility for their actions. So why do some go with the path of least resistance and just say:

“I didn’t know what the rules were.”
“Other people are doing it.”
“You have unrealistic expectations, I can never please you.”

There are some good reasons to take responsibility for your actions:

• You will stand out. Sad to say, most people avoid taking responsibility for negative outcomes whenever possible. But, when you choose to say, “I did that,” “that was my mistake, “or anything that says you are taking responsibility, people will notice, teachers, employers, clients, coaches.  They will notice because it is a rare thing today.
• You are teachable. People will invest in you because you are teachable. Have ever been around someone who knows it all. There is nothing you can tell them or teach them. Most of us will not spend time and energy on that person. Teachable people will admit when they don’t know something. They will listen and learn. They will admit they can improve on something.
• You can be trusted. When you take responsibility, people have a positive view of you. What does it feel like to be around someone you can trust?  There is a degree of honesty in trustworthy people that others truly respect. We want to be people that are trustworthy.
• We grow and we grow up. The old saying, “we learn from our mistakes” is what people who take personal responsibility will tell you and beauty of that saying; it is the truth for them. We become people of integrity in a culture that I find to be lacking in.
• We become stronger individuals. Most of us fear taking responsibility, admitting shortcomings or asking for help because we fear we will be criticized. Or we may have the need to be right. It is true that there are some jerks out there that will “kick you while you are down” but it is the exception. Taking responsibility lets me spend time and mental energy on improving myself and less energy on denial, redirection and deflection. It allows me to focus on changing.

 

• The world will not end.  When we take responsibility and admit our mistakes the world as we know it doesn’t come to an end.  When you take personal responsibility for your actions and outcomes, you do something that will change your world and people will notice. So do the right thing!

Dick is available to speak at your organization or church.

Dick Forbes can be reached at 770.386.0608 or

Email: dsforbes@bellsouth.net

http://www.forbescounseling.com

     Granite Gray, Marble White                                         

(In remembrance of fallen servicemen)

The setting is a national cemetery, or the military section of any cemetery,

with the rows of identical crosses or stones; and how they arrived there,

for a lifelong faithful duty, for those whose faithful duty is over.

Rows and rows of faithful soldiers, keeping watch until the dawn

Over the beds of finest men and women, that ever nation spawned.

Whence came these quiet soldiers, with steady, unwavering gaze,

Who watch o’er their beloved, through dimming evening haze?

From the bowels of earth and mountainside, from edges of earth’s crust,

The drill, blast, scoop, have yielded them from out a cloud of dust.

Unknown to fellow travelers who journeyed their same road,

With similar wheels and engines to bear their heavy load,

They came!  To this green carpet, for years to solemn stand,

To mark the final resting of the choicest of the land.

And now, in ceaseless vigil, with crest of morning dew,

They serve their fallen comrade; and mark a spot beneath the blue.

Both here by accuracy of man, machine, and blast of power,

From that great noise and energy, to this quiet, solemn bower.

One from dark earth to sun, the other from sun to dark earth.

The end of one’s tumultuous watch became the other’s birth.

Yet, we would have it different now, and trade one for the other,

And have again in loving arms: dad, mom, sister, son, or brother.

But no reply from partners, still.  No matter loud the tears,

No response from either soldier, in this or other years.

Naught!   But quiet example, of service, brave and true.

Their steady gaze and forward press, their gift to me and you.

If one reflects on what they say, with voices now unheard,

They speak their timeless message still, without an uttered word.

In appreciation of the soldiers’ gift to us, which was with great loss to their families.

© Tom B. Bandy    770-548-3020     tbandy523@comcast.net

4/23/03 – 4/30/04

“So I will sing praise to Your name forever,
That I may pay my vows day by day.” David, Psalm 61:8 (NASB)

I can’t sing His praise FOREVER, if I don’t sing His praise TODAY.

http://www.crosswalk.com/family/marriage/relationships/7-things-you-need-to-know-about-your-husband.html

“There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different than the things that we do.” (Freya Madeline Stark)

Are You in a Relationship with a Bully?  Dick S. Forbes, MA

So much focus today is on bullying among children, what about adult bullies? What about those adults who put up with someone’s school yard antics? Well, let me describe some of the behavior of an adult bully. You might be scratching your head thinking, this sounds like children! All I can say is: “connect the dots.”

Do any of these behaviors sound familiar?

If they don’t get their way, there is hell to pay. They use verbal assaults, name calling, controlling, threats and intimidations.  They feel powerful.  The results for you are isolation and loss of self worth.  Many bullies have a Narcissistic Personality disorder.

No matter how hard you try, it is never enough. The expectations are always a moving target.  You have to stop what you are doing and attend to their needs. More often than not it is an endless list of demands. The complaints usually sound like this: “Why can’t you make more money, you don’t spend enough time with me, I need more sex, the house isn’t clean enough,  you’re never romantic; you’re not (fill in the blank).” No matter what reality is, with a bully you will never be enough. You may be doing all the things they want, but with bullies it just isn’t enough. The results for you are feeling defeated and helpless.

Now the verbal attacks start from the bully.  This is the school yard approach of name calling, criticizing, threats, screaming, exaggerating your flaws, making fun of you in front of others, including your children. Any sense of self-worth that you may have had disappears. You may even begin to believe some of the things said about you.

There is a psychological term used today called Gaslighting. It is taken from and old movie and play where this man convinces his wife she is going crazy. This is how it goes, the bully says:”I didn’t do that. I didn’t say that. I don’t know what you are talking about. You’re crazy. Stop making things up about me.”  Reality says something totally different. You start to question your own perception and memory.

This last one is a good one. The bully will implement emotional blackmail when the above tactics are not working.  There may be threats of abandonment, the silent treatment, leaving you, and ending the relationship. They know where to attack: your fears, your shame and sympathy. The goal is to control you and get what they want. You feel controlled and manipulated. Your resentment starts to increase yet you don’t know what to do. Maybe you have lashed out in the past only to lose that battle with emotional blackmail.

You don’t have to accept this abuse. Get some help. The bully doesn’t want to work on the relationship because they don’t have a problem. They see themselves as the victim and they are professional victims and bullies. Get some help and support, it is out there to be had.

Dick Forbes can be reached at 770.386.0608  dsforbes@bellsouth.net http://www.forbescounseling .com

Thomas Jefferson once said, “In matters of style, swim with the current. In matters of principle stand like a rock.”